If I were to name all the feelings I have in me today, those 4 words would sum them up. I don't know how I am suppose to feel today. I don't know how I should feel today. I am just not sure.
Was it a failure?
Was it a success?
Was it just an experiment?
Was it just fun?
And, what am I suppose to learn from this all?
How am I suppose to feel now that all has happened?
When I meet my old friends, friends that really counted on me when I began my journey, what am I suppose to tell them?
Do I have to convince everyone that Nepal was NOT the place to be, in 2015, the year when I was there?
Do I have to have solid reasons why I couldn't get anything going in Nepal so I don't feel like a failure when talking to friends?
What about the move to Australia? How do I explain that to people in the US?
Do I even care about what other people think? What now seems like a two lost years, were they really lost? Is that how I feel? Is that how my friends and relatives feel about me?
There were (and are) so many opportunities in Nepal. How did I not find one when I was there? Why was I not able to recognize those opportunities while I was there? How did they all disappear? How did I get distracted so much?
Or, was it just a bad timing? Was it even possible? I don't know.
One thing is for sure... this time when I am back to US, I have become even more "homesick" about Nepal. No, it's not about the parents. It's about the people I met. It's definitely not about the food.
But there is something even more stronger that is attracting me, showing me the same opportunities I saw few years ago. That "thing" is showing me the problems I saw before but disappeared while I was in Nepal.
Is this an illusion? The farther away you are, the more easy, realistic and do-able the problems appear. Even these days, everyday something strikes in my mind about Nepal.
Something that keeps telling me, yes, that's what our country needs. An idea so well executed that others will copy across different businesses and collectively make Nepal a great place.
What am I hungry for? Why do I still feel so restless? After all, I was there for a full year, what did I achieve?
What I am scared about is the very very tiny feeling that's inside of me today, telling me, did I give my 100% when I was there? Did I stay long enough to make anything happen? What if this tiny feeling grows by time as I continue to stay away from Nepal, in California? Will this feeling grow so big that it will haunt me for the rest of my life?
Do people even give it a second shot at things like this? Was it the first half? Will there be a second half in the future? Should I be prepared for that? Or, do I just forget everything like a bad dream and move on with a new chapter in life in California. I will have to do that and I will. But how do I get rid of the thoughts I have about Nepal and it's problems (opportunities).
May be I will find my answers soon...until then...
Was it a failure?
Was it a success?
Was it just an experiment?
Was it just fun?
And, what am I suppose to learn from this all?
How am I suppose to feel now that all has happened?
When I meet my old friends, friends that really counted on me when I began my journey, what am I suppose to tell them?
Do I have to convince everyone that Nepal was NOT the place to be, in 2015, the year when I was there?
Do I have to have solid reasons why I couldn't get anything going in Nepal so I don't feel like a failure when talking to friends?
What about the move to Australia? How do I explain that to people in the US?
Do I even care about what other people think? What now seems like a two lost years, were they really lost? Is that how I feel? Is that how my friends and relatives feel about me?
There were (and are) so many opportunities in Nepal. How did I not find one when I was there? Why was I not able to recognize those opportunities while I was there? How did they all disappear? How did I get distracted so much?
Or, was it just a bad timing? Was it even possible? I don't know.
One thing is for sure... this time when I am back to US, I have become even more "homesick" about Nepal. No, it's not about the parents. It's about the people I met. It's definitely not about the food.
But there is something even more stronger that is attracting me, showing me the same opportunities I saw few years ago. That "thing" is showing me the problems I saw before but disappeared while I was in Nepal.
Is this an illusion? The farther away you are, the more easy, realistic and do-able the problems appear. Even these days, everyday something strikes in my mind about Nepal.
Something that keeps telling me, yes, that's what our country needs. An idea so well executed that others will copy across different businesses and collectively make Nepal a great place.
What am I hungry for? Why do I still feel so restless? After all, I was there for a full year, what did I achieve?
What I am scared about is the very very tiny feeling that's inside of me today, telling me, did I give my 100% when I was there? Did I stay long enough to make anything happen? What if this tiny feeling grows by time as I continue to stay away from Nepal, in California? Will this feeling grow so big that it will haunt me for the rest of my life?
Do people even give it a second shot at things like this? Was it the first half? Will there be a second half in the future? Should I be prepared for that? Or, do I just forget everything like a bad dream and move on with a new chapter in life in California. I will have to do that and I will. But how do I get rid of the thoughts I have about Nepal and it's problems (opportunities).
May be I will find my answers soon...until then...
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