Waiting game with the new job interview result

When I got off the phone interview last Wednesday, I felt pretty good. The last words by my interviewer were something like 'typically the next step is on-site interview, you'll hear from the end of this week if not early next week...'. I liked my chances.

Today is Monday and six in the evening. I haven't heard anything from the HR. I glued myself to the gmail all day, only to be disappointed.

I would flip the pages on the Digital Logic books to prepare for on-site. Then I would be distracted by the absence of invitation for the on-site. Again, I would tell myself that it was only a matter of time before that email popped in my inbox. Then back to the book.

All day, it was a back and forth between GMAIL and the textbook. So hard to stay motivated when things are so uncertain.

I have two gap years in my resume from 2014-2016. Those were the years I spent time in Nepal and in Australia. Nothing I did in those years will help me get a job today. If anything that was my weakness in the resume. Otherwise, my eight years of experience is solid as gold (plus I have been preparing for the interview).

Tomorrow will be another long day monitoring my inbox.. let's see

Confusion, Weakness, Opportunity, Failure

If I were to name all the feelings I have in me today, those 4 words would sum them up. I don't know how I am suppose to feel today. I don't know how I should feel today. I am just not sure.

Was it a failure?

Was it a success?

Was it just an experiment?

Was it just fun?

And, what am I suppose to learn from this all?

How am I suppose to feel now that all has happened?

When I meet my old friends, friends that really counted on me when I began my journey, what am I suppose to tell them?

Do I have to convince everyone that Nepal was NOT the place to be, in 2015, the year when I was there?

Do I have to have solid reasons why I couldn't get anything going in Nepal so I don't feel like a failure when talking to friends?

What about the move to Australia? How do I explain that to people in the US?

Do I even care about what other people think? What now seems like a two lost years, were they really lost? Is that how I feel? Is that how my friends and relatives feel about me?

There were (and are) so many opportunities in Nepal. How did I not find one when I was there? Why was I not able to recognize those opportunities while I was there? How did they all disappear? How did I get distracted so much?

Or, was it just a bad timing? Was it even possible? I don't know.

One thing is for sure... this time when I am back to US, I have become even more "homesick" about Nepal. No, it's not about the parents. It's about the people I met. It's definitely not about the food.

But there is something even more stronger that is attracting me, showing me the same opportunities I saw few years ago. That "thing" is showing me the problems I saw before but disappeared while I was in Nepal.

Is this an illusion? The farther away you are, the more easy, realistic and do-able the problems appear.   Even these days, everyday something strikes in my mind about Nepal.
Something that keeps telling me, yes, that's what our country needs. An idea so well executed that others will copy across different businesses and collectively make Nepal a great place.

What am I hungry for? Why do I still feel so restless? After all, I was there for a full year, what did I achieve?

What I am scared about is the very very tiny feeling that's inside of me today, telling me, did I give my 100% when I was there? Did I stay long enough to make anything happen? What if this tiny feeling grows by time as I continue to stay away from Nepal, in California? Will this feeling grow so big that it will haunt me for the rest of my life?

Do people even give it a second shot at things like this? Was it the first half? Will there be a second half in the future? Should I be prepared for that? Or, do I just forget everything like a bad dream and move on with a new chapter in life in California. I will have to do that and I will. But how do I get rid of the thoughts I have about Nepal and it's problems (opportunities).

May be I will find my answers soon...until then...

Dec 7th 2016 - California

WOW!! So much has changed since I wrote in September - solar wisely is up and running (little traffic), but no monetization so far. Meanwhile, I also tried out another online lead generation business. Let me tell you a bit more about that adventure...

This time the adventure was related to immigration. Basically, I built a website migrationquotes.com.au and using google adwords, drove traffic to the site. The idea was simple - aim high CTR on adwords, generate leads looking for migration agents, pass on the leads to highly qualified registered migration agents and get paid for the lead.

As of today, I am still generating leads. It has been over a month. After $500+, ~100 leads, 4 different Migration agents, I have signed up exactly 1 lead. I am expecting to get paid about $200 from that. Generating leads is not hard but most these leads are looking for quick answer to their immigration questions and then deciding to do the application process on their own. This is not good because I only get paid IF the leads sign up for the paid service with the agent.

So, looks like I am going to have to drop this project as well because the ROI is too small. However, I will keep the website up and running. SolarWisely.com.au will stay up as well (I haven't blogged for over 2 months now on solar).

That leaves me with 2 websites that are live, with little to no traffic, generating no income, but with some potential if I put more time on it.

Now, let me update you on what has happened in my personal life...

In November, Bijaya and I decided to move back to the US. Why? Because, as Bijaya said, I wasn't happy in Australia. Why wasn't I happy? God knows...or may be because I wasn't earning $$ (solar wisely and migration quotes both taking too long to generate ANY revenue).

We are both hitting our mid-30s. We have a daughter and we live in a two bedroom apartment in Brunswick, Melbourne. Our net worth? whatever is in Bijaya's checking account. Last time I checked there was about two thousand dollars. My $8000 toyota corolla is paid off, so that's something.

Bijaya is working full time and making about weekly that translates to $75-$80k per annum. It is not bad if she was in her 20s, single, and no kid. But she has a husband and a daughter to support. Because her husband doesn't earn anything, that income alone was not so significant.

Bijaya and I both know we'll HAVE to HAVE another kid real soon. But with this situation and no income on the horizon for me, things were getting tough, really tough.

We were also nearing the end of two year out of country stay "grace period" on our american permanent residency status. What it meant is, if we didn't enter US before that period expired, we were risking to lose our Green Card forever.

So, our stay in Melbourne could be summarize as followed: (i) we were broke (almost), (ii) with no prospect of additional income in the near future, (iii) expiring green card (iv) I wasn't happy (according to my wife).

In a way, the decision to move back to the US was pretty straightforward. However, it wasn't an easy one. I specially opposed the idea initially, primarily because my wife and Yahvie (our daughter) were having good times with families. Bijaya has 3 sisters, 1 brother, and 2 cousins in Melbourne. You can imagine how we spent each weekend. Going to the US meant leaving everyone behind. More than Yahvie, I was worried about Bijaya. "Family" was the reason we left America in the first place, two years ago. Now, going back again didn't make any sense to me.

But priorities have definitely shifted. Being stone broke sometimes helps put things to perspective. I will no longer believe that money doesn't buy happiness. It does, when you don't have money.

So, on Dec 3rd 2016, Bijaya and I flew to SFO, California. My cousin Rajan lives there. Bijaya had a scheduled on-site interview on the 5th in the city, and I have applied for few jobs in Milpitas/Silicon valley area.

Yahvie is back in Melbourne with her aunties (see how easy it was). Bijaya will return to Melbourne this week and if all goes well, she will sell/throw-away/clean-out our space in Melbourne, and bring Yahvie back to US to live with us. Together. Forever. In.The.USA.



To be continued...